A Story of Hope

This story begins on December 1, 2010, and is one that has taken a long time for us to be ready to share. We had just told our families that we were expecting the week before, only to learn on that day that I was having a miscarriage. I’m sure this news is always shocking, but having had a relatively easy pregnancy with Norah, I hadn’t even really considered the possibility that it could happen to me. Of course I’ve read the statistics and know that lots of women – many of whom have no increased risk factors – have miscarriages, often for no explainable reason at all. Still, when we got the news, we didn’t know how to cope. We went through a grieving process, we looked for answers, and we thanked God for the support of our family and the blessing of our precious Norah. While this experience tested our faith in some ways (how could God let this life begin if it was going to end such a short time later?), our faith is also what helped us make it through. And eventually, things did get better. Of course, there were (and are) still moments or days when the sadness comes back – the day I was supposed to be due was one of the tougher ones. But all in all, we have been able to process what happened, accept that this loss will always be part of our lives, and look ahead to the future with hope. Which brings us to December 1, 2011.

I would have expected to feel a certain sense of sadness this past December 1, as the one year anniversary of one of the hardest days of our lives. But this time I didn’t. Maybe it was my long, busy day at work that took my mind off of it. Maybe it was the huge windstorm that day that blew down our fence and caused other damage at our house that distracted me. Maybe I had just reached a point in the grieving process that days like this wouldn’t cause the same reaction anymore. Or maybe it was something else – a higher power at work. The next day, I got my answer. On December 2, we found out that I was pregnant! With that news, I knew that it wasn’t just distraction that had caused my calmness the day before, but rather God resting his hand on my shoulder and telling me that this time, a special guardian angel would be watching over us.

Of course, there were many times I forgot that sense of calmness over the next several months. As anyone who has had a miscarriage can tell you, the next pregnancy can be terrifying, especially in the first trimester. I wanted to feel nothing but hope for this new life, but there were many days that fear got the best of me. For the first several weeks after we found out, I didn’t feel pregnant, just scared that something was going to go wrong. I needed reassurance, a sign that things were okay. That sign soon arrived – in the form of morning sickness. Many doctors will tell you that morning sickness is actually a good indication that the pregnancy is progressing well. It also took away my energy to worry – since I spent most of my non-working hours in January and February on the couch. Dan has been a rock star through this all, taking on all of the load of cooking, cleaning, shopping (have you ever really smelled the inside of a grocery store?) and caring for Norah. I know that without his efforts, the house would have been a disaster and Norah would have been subsisting on stale Cheerios and granola bars for these past several months. I know I didn’t look particularly grateful as I gagged down my dinner and then went to lie in a ball on the couch, but right below the nausea and exhaustion, I was so thankful for everything that Dan was and is doing to keep our lives going. He is the best!

We finally told our parents (and Norah) about the new baby in the middle of February – nearly three months into the pregnancy. Norah has a couple of friends at school who have new siblings, so at this point she seems to be excited by the idea of having a baby brother or sister. We’re prepared for the fact that her feelings might change once she really understands what it all means. Also, like last time, we’re not planning on finding out if we’re having a boy or a girl before the birth day. We really enjoyed the surprise last time, so we’re going to do the same thing again. I’m finally starting to feel better and more energetic again, now that I’m nearing the four-month mark. And we’re finally ready to share the good news with everyone. So there it is – sometime in the first week or two of August, we’re going to welcome a new member to the McCoy family. While I’m not looking forward to the prospect of being eight months pregnant in July in Fresno, we are looking forward – more than anything – to meeting this new baby this summer. Love to all!